Peter’s Penitence and Confession

When I communed with you Lord, help me to leave not with a sorrowful heart but with a heart which believes in all Your words and submits to “Thy will be done Lord”. When I commune with You Lord, don’t let me boast in myself because no matter what “great” sacrifices I claim to do for You, it will amount to nothing without your blessing. Teach me Lord to accept Your will.

Rising up with You my Lord from the table of communion, grant me the privilege to watch in prayer with You at Gethsemane.

I, James and John were there that night to watch with Jesus at Gethsemane. Our eyes were heavy, and sleepy, because our hearts were filled with sorrow from the table of communion; the Last Supper. We slept for sorrow. O! How my Lord did all He could to wake us up but our sorrowful heart took the best of us.

I thought I had enough time. I felt when I’m done sorrowing I will wake up and rise up to pray. The host of darkness were already forcefully advancing before I broke out from my slumber. While the Master was yet charging us, the host of darkness came in. My Master could not be arrested; the enemies fell before Him, because He received strength through the ministration of the angel for the moment of temptation. He willing offered Himself to His enemies, the strength He received carried Him through the temptation.

On the contrary, I and my brothers could not withstand the temptation; we resorted to the flesh, I drew the sword. We went into hiding and someone ran away naked. We left Gethsemane, ‘with a cold heart’. The fire upon the altar of our heart was out.

I followed the Master AFAR OFF to see the end of the matter. I was walking alone in that cold night behind the Shepherd of my soul. I was lost and could not see because the host of darkness brought gross darkness upon my path so that their evil work will not be known by the multitude of His followers.

I followed that dark path and found myself in a strongman’s house, the High Priest. Here was the seat of their evil kingdom (a cult I may say). The darkness in that hall was so thick, the fierceness and horror was indescribable. Right in the middle of the hall, they kindled a strange fire, before I knew it I was drawn and standing by the fire. I warmed my cold heart with evil men from their strange fire. I made myself more comfortable among them, I sat down with them.

My first trial was with one of the beautiful damsels of the High priest that kept the doorway to the occult kingdom; she led me into the hall where their evil company were gathered together. She probably had led vibrant brethren for the Lord through this passage, leading them to temptation which they couldn’t withstand because they also did not watch and pray. She brought me inside the hall where she can slaughter me before her evil brethern. When she saw that I have gotten along with her brothers, warming myself before the strange fire, she looked at me earnestly and attested that I also was with Jesus. I fell before her by denying the Saviour. 

My Second Trial. I ran to the porch after my first denial out of fear, then another damsel of the high priest saw me at the porch and began to call and say to her evil brethren that were standing by that I am one of them; they asked me and I denied. They did not believe me. I was told that I must take an oath before their gods that I do not know Christ. O Jesus! I am sorry to have entered an oath with the Devil. I did it out of sinful fear.

My Last Trial. The enemy just won’t give up till I am completely destroyed. Satan looked into my past! I was caught completely off-guard as they gathered their last evidence against me from my past. They recalled the accent of my speech –  you must be a Galilean from your accent, they said, therefore you were with Him. Again, I denied my Master.

But then the enemy brought the strongest evidence which I could not deny. Marcus, whose ear I chopped off with the arm of the flesh, out of fear, anger and frustration came forward and witnessed against me. Brethren, no works of the flesh can be hidden for life, it will always come out bye and bye to ruin that life. It will burst out someday as a strong evidence against you to destroy you. Obviously, the devil was not satisfied with me destroying my self with this oath, then I cursed and sworn to my detriment that I did not know Him.

Immediately, while I was yet speaking the cock crows, the Shepherd of my soul turned His loving face to me and forgave me before I judge myself to destruction and death, and I remembered the words of my Saviour that I would deny Him. My cold heart did not make me put this words at heart so I could walk circumspectly in humility and prayer.

The devil and his host rejoiced while I went out weeping bitterly. But Christ loving face guard my heart so I won’t hang myself like Judas did. I received grace and mercy. I was now living in the night, in the shadow of myself and what Christ has called me – Cephas (the Rock). I went into hiding, living in darkness, fear, coldness of heart, regret, self guilt and condemnation.

Even at the resurrection morning on the third day, I was cold and was not interested in anointing the Saviour’s body. I was lukewarm with the things of Jesus.

How this brought to mind the situation with some senior brethren and Church leaders at this present time too! You received the testimony of the Lord first and confessed it, but now you have denied Jesus. The devil has successfully made you enter into an oath with him. You have cursed and sworn with the same mouth you used to confess and preached Jesus. This is why the church is in disarray today. Let us remember the words of Jesus that said, He has prayed for us that your faith will not fail, and when you are converted, strengthen your brethren.

Let us return to the the Cross and cry for mercy.

Loving Savior, hear my cry,
Hear my cry, hear my cry;
Trembling to Thy arms I fly,
O save me at the cross.

Dear Jesus, receive me,
No more would I grieve Thee;
Now, blessed Redeemer,
O save me at the cross.

I have sinned, but Thou hast died,
Thou hast died, Thou hast died;
In Thy mercy let me hide,
O save me at the cross.

Tho’ I perish I will pray,
I will pray, I will pray;
Thou of life the Living Way,
O save me at the cross.

Thou hast said Thy grace is free,
Grace is free, grace is free;
Have compassion, Lord, on me,
O save me at the cross.

Wash me in Thy cleansing blood,
Cleansing blood, cleansing blood;
Plunge me now beneath the flood,
O save me at the cross.

Only faith will pardon bring,
Pardon bring, pardon bring,
In that faith to Thee I cling,
O save me at the cross.

Sunday Oladiran is a teacher of God's Word, committed to the revival and reformation of the body of Christ. He lives in Ibadan, Nigeria, together with his wife, Bukola. They have two children.

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